'There is no holiness in sadness'...

...and then Pope Francis took seminarians and novices to task for being "too serious, too sad". "Something's not right here," Francis told them pointing out that, "There is no sadness in holiness", and adding that such clergy lack, "the joy of the Lord"....

"If you find a seminarian, priest, nun, with a long, sad face, if it seems as if in their life someone threw a wet blanket over them," then one should conclude, "it's a psychiatric problem, they can leave- buenos dias".

The above two comments made recently by Pope Francis I to seminarians and novices during a four day international event for seminarians, novices and those on a vocational journey, clearly sends a chill to the spine of seminarians. However, we can't deny the truth in the Holy Father's statement as sadness in a person does not equate to holiness and this is especially so for seminarians. There are some seminarians who seems to go around feeling sombre to show his piety / deep holiness and even if there is a smile it would be a smile or a laugh which is with extreme reluctance or controlled mannerism. I can imagine this kind of personality as there is one here in the seminary who seems to frown on priest inserting humour in his homilies and constantly parading himself being full of holiness by rejecting humour and showing constant sadness to the extend of crying on certain occasion during prayers and when reciting the rosary.

Is this type of holiness genuine or is it only as an exhibit for others to see ....only God knows ...and at the end of the day, it is God's will .....on whether one continues or leaves the formation

Is there love ....

I suddenly had this thought gushing through my mind when I was alone having my afternoon coffee at the dinning hall not too long ago. The thought which went through my mind was wondering if there is LOVE in the formation house especially among the brother seminarians. Initial thoughts were very much inclined towards the affirmative or positive but as I sat there pondering away with my coffee getting cold, I realized that perhaps there is little love but not an absence of love though.

I attributed this thought to the various incidences within the formation house since semester one and the feeling of in-sincerity and reservations among us at the present moment. Love has made or is making a presence but it does not thrive as it should be due to one reason or another. We tend to be full of ego, pride, arrogance and being so competitive not to mention a few individual of have been judgemental even to the extend of judging who is fit or have the characteristics of being a priest or otherwise. These negative elements unfortunately is very much alive and surrounding all of us here and perhaps it is due to our lack of a prayer life or not wanting our-selves to 'die' for Christ instead living our old life.

God's love I believe is every where and within us - as He lives in us but it is up to us whether we wish for His love to grow within us and in our surroundings or we prefer to push that love aside and be the person who decides how much love and where does this love go to in that we are the ultimate decision maker rather than letting God's love flow freely around. Are we also willing to nurture this love or just let it wither and die as is the case it seems in this place. Maybe in time to come God in His own way, will open each and everyone's heart to His love to enable love to be ever present within us and amongst us. In the mean time I just have to learn to open my heart and be patient enough to let God's grace to work within the community.

Casualties of WAR ....

I am not certain as to the statistics of seminarians entering various religious/formation houses in any part of the world. The same can also be said of those leaving and the reason(s) behind them i.e. is it because the absence of a vocation or perhaps some other reason(s). I do not know for sure as well what is the measurement yardstick being used or to which it is measured against. Of course there are proper documents or encyclicals in relation to the formation of individuals for the priesthood/ or religious but these are only general guidelines for references purposes as at the end of the day, final decisions usually rest on rectors of individual formation houses and there are no concrete rules or perhaps consulters on the matter at hand. In some ways it is very hierarchical or rather undemocratic in the sense not much space is given for one to perhaps defend one-self from the various allegations but then the church we must know and accept is as such, hierarchical in its nature. Nevertheless, there must be a certain or high degree of trust in God and whatever action or consequences should be viewed in that light.

This issue came into mind as not too long ago I was informed that another seminarian (from different year/intake) has left the formation house yet nobody actually knows the reason behind it. I can't help but imagine as to the reason for his decision and ponder whether was there any attempt by the formatters to actually reason with the individual and try to change his mind or there was none made and he was just left - to make his own decision and leave without any effort to nature the vocation. But whatever it is, this is not the first time but there has been many in the past and most of never know as to the reason(s) behind the leaving or whether there were any positive steps to actually avert this unpleasant situation.

Vocation to the priesthood/ religious life is actually very precious and there must be efforts to ensure that each vocation is properly nurtured and cared for by the formatters. There should also not be any formatters who think or wish to play 'God' in the sense of being the authority to simply terminate a person's vocation due to his biasness or personal dissatisfaction over a particular person. Extreme care should be given before a decision is made to terminate the vocation formation process of a seminarian especially with a backdrop of the number of seminarian / priest.

Whatever the circumstances, we just need to continue to place our trust in God and just allow Him to do what He feels is best for His church and people eventhough we may  not agree.

Time flies ...

Can't believe it .. but time really flies ...as it is now like 3 weeks into the new semester at the formation house. I have been busy with the routine without realization that I have been back here for sometime. Lectures resume accordingly with results from the first semester exams / assignments slowly but surely coming in from the respective lecturers/ priest. Kind of surprise that I did rather well for my first exams but now I fear if I am able to maintain or improve on these results this semester. In the event my results drop in this semester I am certain I will be questioned by the Rector as he may think I am not being serious or too confident with the subjects of study. I can't do much but to try my very best and to leave the rest to God for not wanting to be seen or considered as proud or arrogant or without any humility.

Life's routine has sunk in pretty well I must say. The gruelling task of having to wake up early in the morning to prepare for morning daily mass still at times gets on my nerve but I suppose I will never ever be used to it no matter under whatever circumstances I am at. I will just have to accept that as my own personal characteristics / the individual tread or DNA which is me and live with it for the rest of my life. Come to think of it, I don't think there are many priests who are able to like wake up early in the morning without a complaint or dreading having to wake up at such abnormal hours of the day. Still I believe it has it's own advantages in that one can actually feel the fresh cool air of the morning and be up and about earlier than most people and boast of it ...(where's my humility !)

Yes, we can never deny nor erase our past or try to attempt to change who we are. There are reasons as to why we are born with certain characters or elements compared to others. I am certain there are many instances where we would think enviously of the other person who have better characters or even outlook than us and we wanting to be that person. I for myself don't deny not ever wishing for that and even till now I would still wish to have certain characters or elements which belongs to someone else and not willingly accepting my own. But as time passes and age is catching up on me, I believe I am born with certain characters for reasons which I need to discover or kept unknown to me till the time is right. Even in terms of life's experiences, one can never try to erase one's past life experiences no matter how bad they are- and one should never do so as it has a special meaning and is the personal tread/ or element of that special particular you. There should not be any shame of it instead should try to look at it from a positive perspective in that it has shaped one into who we are today and it is never static but constantly on the move to change the course of life's direction and who we are.

Christ's most important commandment...

'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:36-40)

What has been shared from the gospel of Matthew on the greatest or important commandment of Jesus Christ has most frequently being overlooked or not given importance or emphasis. There are many of us who tend to focus on a few commandments and usually these would be commandments which are convenient to us or which we feel are more comfortable with rather than focussing on the most important commandment which is as shared above.

 

The formation house unfortunately is not spared from such an embarrassing situation as after all we here are all humans with our weaknesses and frailties. There are those who seem to be extremely 'holy', with postures and gestures akin to those of a 'saint' when in the chapel or church or in front of authority but tend to be the opposite when dealing with fellow brother seminarian. There will be hatred, indifference, or pompous or looking down at others - but come to time for prayer in the chapel the individual will display a totally different personality and outlook.

 

Sadly enough this is also extended to priests who are seen as aloof, indifference or selective in terms of their friends/ parishioners which I have experienced before. These kind of priest surely gives a bad impression to the general community on the kind of priests within the community and will also give the perception to seminarians that it doesn't matter in that priests can be selective on who are their friends and the mixture which surely are those from the financially better off members of the community. Even when such a situation is present there are many instances where the local ordinary/Bishops seems not to be interested to caution the priest or even comment on the matter. Instead it is left as if nothing happens or the action is permissible within the community of priests or perhaps the local ordinary himself is subscribing to similar or the same policy.

 

It never cease to baffles me on how people could be like that or act / treat others in such a manner especially in the priest formation house where an air of arrogance can be felt within the atmosphere without any kind of guilt and remorse. Yet these individual(s) can still continue to be in here without an ounce of humility. Perhaps this is how God operates in that the years of formation will eventually formed the individual into what God has planned and that the individual will bend low and really be humble and if that is so I hope it will come to fruition and be for the benefit of the individual and community.

 

One week ....

Can't imagine how time really flies. In the midst of a new semester and busy preparing the whole place up for a new term not to mention cleaning one's own room, the new week is just about to end and come next week, it is a whole brand new week. Most activities would be back to normal and I suspect things are not going to be that 'easy' compared to the 1st semester. Lecturers have been hinting that they will be tougher than before and will not be that 'forgiving'....that sounds down right cruel but I believe it is for our own good too.

We can't be continually pampered as things will need to be more disciplined and our endurance being tested as it will be an uphill struggle from now on but I believe it won't be that bad as I have put it as there will be room for some kind of leniency and consideration.

Whatever it is, I still can't believe that the week is about to end and a new week emerging from behind the clouds and preparing for 2nd semester exams will need to be thought about not to mention planned soonest.

Still, the journey is a long one but - then again I am glad that a decision to enter into the formation house has been made and I am now here compared to being indecisive about my entry. At least the first step which is the hardest is out of my way and now I will need to follow the flow of things.

As for the community, in some aspect it is still uneventful - perhaps because strangely enough there is kind of like a 'stranger' feeling, a lacking of intimacy due to the events of last term or maybe we are all a bit cautious as we just met yet again after an absence of like 2 months. Maybe we will warm up yet again after a week or two.

Dried Apricot

Many people thought that once an individual enters the formation house ...all is being taken care for by those on top. Seminarians are only required to pray and study while the rest are well taken care of by certain people.

If that is the idea of most people then I must protest and correct it as it is not that all rosy in the formation house. Seminarians are required to do their own laundry or in groups, potter around, clean the compound, clean the toilets and bathrooms, sacristy responsibilities and much more. That is on top of being responsible for one's own room. Cooking is of course being taken care by the cook and the rest is to be the responsibility of the seminarians or a group of seminarians.

I am feeling so tired after finishing some duties assigned to me and now my body is aching as if I a dried apricot being sucked out its juices. But I take consolation in that I will have a good night's sleep tonight compared to last night where I was not able to have a sound sleep. I kept on waking up every few hours perhaps missing my bed and the air condition at home compared to the environment I am sleeping in now at the formation house which is rather simple ! The vow of simplicity indeed.

There has not been any news on the exams results held on the first term, slight delay perhaps and every one seems to be eager wanting to know the outcome. I do not how good I fare at it but what is done is done and all I know is that I've given it my best shot and whatever the outcome I will accept it accordingly though it may be disappointing, still I will have to swallow and accept it.

In any case, I was never an academically inclined individual as I am more of a 'survivor' - able to survive on most exams in the past.