3 months ..

It has been like more than 3 months since I step on the grounds of the seminary. How was all of it thus far is a question I tend to hear upon seeing friends and family members when back for the semester break.

 

There are mix feelings when trying to answer that question but one particular feeling tend to stand out from the rest, namely the feeling of calm, peacefulness, and I must say to the surprise of many - happiness. YES ! quite a number of people tend to be extremely taken by surprise with my answer and I do not blame them as I find it difficult to explain or express the intimate feeling which I had experience within the walls of the seminary. In most probability others who have never nor the opportunity to be in such an environment would no doubt unable to relate to what I am talking about (then again perhaps this is just only the beginning).

 

I too am surprise with the whole experience and never thought I would be experiencing such wonderful feelings but at the back of my mind I constantly try to remind myself and to be cautious that perhaps this feeling is but a temporary reprieve for  me as there will be times when I would detest being in the formation house. This could be true as I will face much more challenges especially the community aspect of it which I had some unpleasant experience during the first semester yet I soldier on and consider it part of the formation. 'A storm in a tea cup', was my comment when I was confronted by the formatter when asked with the unpleasant situation, to which he was glad I am taking it in such a manner.

 

There will be more challenges ahead as a new semester begins and with much more activities and study pressures mount up as we carry on yet I believe if I am to take it as part and parcel of formation and to look at all the pleasant and unpleasant situation /experiences as a learning process or being formed accordingly by God then I would be able to place these experiences in a different domain. I would need to learn to take a step back and look at the overall picture and deduce as to what I am suppose to learn from it - being guided by the Holy Spirit and most importantly allowing God to transform / form me according to His will and not mine. Yet there will be times when the humanistic methodology or aspect seems to sip into the whole experience trying to deduce the whole episode in a human way instead of the spiritual would tend to dampen the whole experience or learning process which ideally should be spiritually based. I do not think I am able to stop that from happening but merely to constantly attempt to remind myself of the spiritual aspect would be a positive step as I am but a mere human being. It will take a long time to learn to let go and let the Holy Spirit guide me in this journey and I should never expect things to happen overnight. This is a challenge and the whole purpose of being in the formation house to enable myself to be formed / re-formed accordingly like a clay with God as the potter.